MADE IN JAPAN

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Japanese was getting impatient.

The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.

A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....

Jap: Look ..look ..Toyota!! ...very fast!!!....Made in Japan! Proton...no good.... made in Malaysia.

Driver: yah....

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi....zoom.

Jap: look.... look.... Nissan!!!..... very good!! very fast! Made in Japan! Proton.... no good.... made in Malaysia

Driver: yah....yah...

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi...zooom!

Jap: look.... look... Honda!!.... very GOOD!!....very fast!!....Made in Japan! Proton...no good...made in Malaysia

Driver: yah...yah...yah....!

Arriving at the airport, the Japanese was about to pay the taxi driver.

Jap: How much?

Driver: RM150/-

Jap: Oh...very expensive..... you overcharge! !

Driver: Noooo ... look .... look .... Sony meter!!....very good!!....very fast!.... Made in Japan!

School Answering Machine

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school Telephone answering machine This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents
who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Honesty is the best Policy

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.

He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.

He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.

Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene.

Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!

The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!

The general manager declared him the winner!

Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds.

This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"

Politics Explained

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism.

Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people.

The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.”

Baby First Visit to Doctor

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being
a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

"Breast-fed, "she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.

He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a
while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed. The doctor said, "No wonder this baby
is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came ."